I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
