I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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