I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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