If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
