Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Randomize
