i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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