i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
