He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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