Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
