somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
