True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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