dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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