Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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