If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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