i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She bit a glass in half.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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