i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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