have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
