and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
