is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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