Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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