It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
