I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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