I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
