I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
