i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
