sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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