Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
