Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
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I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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