The maid of honor just puked.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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