He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
