that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
