just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
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It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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