I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
