Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
