I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
