you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
