Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
