when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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