i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
