peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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