Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
