Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
