oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize