if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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