I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
