I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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