trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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