By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
