I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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