omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
