I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think your dad took our porno
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
