Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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