sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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