So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is it penis luge time yet?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
