on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
