i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Someone came in the potted fern
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
