can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
