I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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