I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
