is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
